I know that i am someone special and even if i do not feel like it all the time i have a lot to offer this world and this world cannot deny myself power because without me what would the world be ? nothing.I joined some really cool communities and i really like them and i am starting to like myself even more because i can talk freely about the issues that i feel are of great importiance and not feel inhibited about them.I am now listening to Tori Amo's song happy phantom ( Nun's chasers mix ) which reminds me there is a Catholic church nearby. I think i am going to go chasing the nun's naked in the front yard because i know Confuxis does his crossword with a pen and then i ask myself will i pay for who i have been ? Now more than ever i feel like sleeping beauty wants to trip me with a frown but i realize that i need to have my sufferings so i can have my cross.I have been doing some thinking and i think i am going to restart my music career and work on it harder than ever.I am going to be someone.
I just think i have alot to offer this world and i should never give up because i can change for the better and now more than ever i have changed and i will not allow myself to become the ugly monster i once was.Now i am listening to Tori Amo's song slient all these years ( really deep mix )which is about being quiet about sexual abuse and what have you.I feel strongly on this issue and i will no longer be quiet about this , i have been slient all these years but no longer.So you found a girl who has really deep thoughts ? whats so amazing about really deep thoughts ? and i was really happy cause i heard from my friend ricki and i missed me so much.I think i will save up and visit him and and in the process i will see luci.I know this is something that will make luci and ricki both really happy.I know that i have alot to offer all of my friends and my mother is buying me a mixing machine for the computer and i am going to upgrade the computer.After i do that my mother said i could have the computer and it would be mine.well anyways i just thought that i would let everyone know i am becomming a musican.Maybe i will not be famous or anything but i will do the thing that makes me happy and thats the only thing that matters and i know that it makes my friends like ricki,kieron,corgan,tom,and my luci happy to know that i finally finding peace.
I ask myself why men feel the need to crucify themselves and why do we gotta be in these chains and why do Dogs beg for love ? and my cat named easter told me if i kill them bird i will be an empty cage. Sometimes i wonder about rascal and his infinate wisdom.I know i am really strange but i am in a eurphoria of happiness and i remember what luci said , happiness is all the rage and i am all about rage and shit like that.I am looking for a savior in these dirty sheets ? but i cannot find him , maybe he is talking to the space dog or something like that.why do , why do ,why we crucify ourselves ? Now i am looking at some tori amos pics and shit like that and i just cannot wait till luci gets my tori amos cd here cause i really need to have it , i need my daily dose of tori , yes i need my tori !I am going to start looking threw my stream of consciousness poetry and stories and deconstruct them and find some good covers and start working on those and then one day soon i will start recording my album.My friend juju and some others are going to be in my band Nothing i do is good enough for you , please give me a sign !
I just watched this flim called tokoyo cowboy and Basically, this Japanese guy, No, gets fired from his job as a burger flipper in Tokyo for letting one burger fall on the ground when he is practicing pretending to draw a gun. He has grown up, loving the old westerns, dreaming of being a cowboy. He is so lovingly obsessed with it, and he watches a western subtitled in Japanese, yet he knows every line in English by heart..it is sickingly sweet at how much he wants to be part of this cowboy culture. Anyways, turns out he has a Canadian pen-pal from when he was a little kid, a "cow-girl", as the only picture he has of her is her riding a horse with a ten-gallon hat. Therefore he thinks Canada is the place to go to become a Cowboy, and he sets off from his Japanese origins to travel to Canada, to meet his old pen-pal, Kate Beatty. Well, turns out Kate is now a cynical artist that is a lesbian. Her girlfriend, Shelly, is actually more suitable to No's image of the cowgirl that he envisions in the old westerns that he watches.
He so badly wants to be a cowboy yet he is so naive, in his limited English..it is just so sweet..it made me smile so widely for most of the film and it really tugged at my heart strings. At the same time you have Kate who is afraid of her sexuality. Afraid of the bigoted and homophobic people in the small town she lives in. Afraid of who she is. Afraid of the "dyke" label. Her girlfriend Shelly is very supportive, and teaches No how to ride horses. No gets a crush on Shelly, and then there is Bill the postman who acts as No's teacher in helping him become a cowboy. Then you have Kate's mom, constantly trying to set her up with No, unable to understand her daughter, shattered at first when she finds out that Kate is a lesbian.
I think this is a really fascinating and powerful film. No constantly wants to be out in the open and ride horses while "getting the cow-girl". Old black and white scenarios constantly play out in his mind of placing his current comrades in roles of western dialogue he has memorized and repeated; "I was born in Texas." He faces bigotry, and strange scenarios which he did not account for in his naive Japanese knowledge of the West, but he pulls through. And that is why I think this film is really about people and self discovery and that is why I love it. You also have Kate coming to terms with her sexuality and realizing that she is a lesbian and to be happy with that and not be afraid of others' knowing that, and also recognizing her once "cowgirl" past before she became an artist, with Shelly supporting her.
Also, Kate's mom struggles to come to terms with this. And so the movie is really about acceptance and understanding in the human condition I think. The film also has plenty of subtle humor, especially playing off the theme of culture clash, especially with Shelly's interest in Japan, and No's interest in the West and Cowboys. It really makes you think and recognize who you are? What is race? What is culture? What is society anyways? I really loved it, go out and see it if you can get ahold of it, it is just a wonderful film.
I now am sitting here in my room , naked and think about what is it like for girls when they get their raspberry swirled , can anyone tell me what it is like ? hmmmmmm , i can make a girl get swirled but i wonder what it is like for them , i think maybe in my next life i will be a chick cause i would like to understand them better.I know i am werid but i just think it would be interesting but i love my cock too much and tori likes cock too cause in her song profession widow she says , i just want love peace and a hard cock ! which is really cool in my book.I am feeling now so wild right now but i am sure that will change soon as i get those tori amos cd's from luci and everything will just go ka-boom and them i will explode like a ballon in the sky and i will be cruel cause no cigarettes only peeled havanas for you! i know i am werid but you will just have to deal with it .Well i guess i better go update my other communities.see you kids later.